FORT COLLINS, CO — Colorado State head coach Thad Castle held his weekly press conference on Tuesday ahead of the Rams' highly anticipated matchup against Wyoming, and it quickly became clear that something was... off. Castle appeared at the podium approximately 15 minutes late, visibly sweating despite the 45-degree weather, speaking at roughly twice his normal pace, and occasionally wiping his nose throughout the 40-minute session.
The Rams enter the Border War rivalry game at 6-1, fresh off their bye week and riding high after a dominant start to the season. Quarterback Jackson Brousseau leads the nation with 2,819 passing yards and 36 touchdowns through 7 games, and the CSU offense is averaging over 45 points per game. But Castle seemed less interested in discussing his team's success and more focused on proving he had already figured out Wyoming's entire playbook.
What followed was one of the most bizarre press conferences in college football history. Castle's eyes were dilated, he couldn't sit still, and at one point he stood up and started pacing behind the podium while answering a question about his defensive scheme. Multiple reporters noted a white residue visible around his nostrils. Castle denied being under the influence of anything, claiming he had simply "eaten a powdered donut on the way over."
Press Conference Transcript (Selected Excerpts)
(Note: Coach Castle spoke extremely rapidly throughout. Transcript has been edited for readability.)
Q: Coach, how are you preparing for Wyoming's offense?
"I KNOW WHAT'S COMING. I've watched every snap. Every. Single. Snap. I haven't slept in four days. Don't need to. HALF BACK TOSS. HALF BACK TOSS. HALF BACK DIRECT. RPO. HALF BACK TOSS. I'M READY. They can't surprise me. I've seen things. I've seen EVERYTHING."
Q: Can you elaborate on your defensive game plan?
"*stands up and starts pacing* Okay so here's the thing, here's the THING, Kirk thinks he's smart, right? He thinks he's SO smart with his little play action, his little bootlegs, but I've got news for him. I've got NEWS. We're gonna hit Kellman so hard he forgets his own NAME. Every gap. EVERY GAP. A gap, B gap, C gap, D gap, is there a D gap? DOESN'T MATTER. We're filling all of them. Simultaneously. It's called PHYSICS."
Q: How did you spend the bye week?
"Film. Film film film film film. And the gym. I benched 400 yesterday. Maybe 500. Time is a construct. I also may have invented a new defensive formation, I call it the 'Thad Package,' it involves 15 defenders on the field at once. Still working out the legality but the refs won't notice if we do it fast enough."
Q: Coach, are you feeling okay? You seem a bit... energetic today.
"*wipes nose* Never better. NEVER. BETTER. I'm locked in. This is what locked in looks like. You know what Kirk had for breakfast? I do. Eggs. Three eggs. Over medium. I have sources. I have people EVERYWHERE. The altitude is gonna hit different this week, let me tell you. Fort Collins? 5,000 feet. Laramie? 7,200 feet. You know what lives at 7,200 feet? MOUNTAIN LIONS. And you know what eats mountain lions? RAMS. That's science."
Q: What's your message to the Wyoming coaching staff?
"*leans directly into microphone* I. See. You. I see ALL of you. Kirk thinks this is about football? This is about LEGACY. This is about RESPECT. This is about... *pauses for 10 seconds staring into space* ...what was the question? DOESN'T MATTER. HALF BACK TOSS. I'M READY. WE'RE ALL READY. RAMS BY A MILLION."
Q: One more question—what's on your nose?
"Powdered donut. Next question. Actually, no more questions. I need to go watch more film. I've only watched Wyoming's 2019 season twelve times this week and I feel like I'm SLACKING. *knocks over water bottle while standing up* BORDER WAR BABY. LET'S RIDE." *sprints out of press room*
Colorado State faces Wyoming this Saturday at 3:30 PM EST. The university has not commented on Castle's condition or behavior at the press conference.